Effective Planning Solutions

What is confrontation?

Confrontation in its simplest definition is a difference of opinion that presents itself as an issue and needs to either solved or resolved. Particularly when change is occurring, as change is responsible for creating many of the complexities associated with modern life. The speed of change and the impact that it can have on life and business has introduced numerous challenges and situations where more and more people discover they have issues. Issues that need to be dealt with and either resolved or solved in order to enhance professional productivity personal satisfaction and reduce anxiety.

This necessitates developing and exercising the skill of inviting people to deal, and managing conflict. Premier skills that when applied lead to effective confrontation and management of conflict. As paradox, complexity and change continue to shape life, inviting people to deal will become a means of reducing anxiety and stress

.
The art of inviting people to deal with you and managing any associated conflict involves implementing a series of steps that allow for objectivity to be maintained and acknowledging the controlling influences associated with emotional intelligence.

Whilst dealing primarily with conflict resolution and problem solving this section provides a number of other skills necessary in managing change, controlling stress and achieving success. Emotionally intelligent skills including defusing defence, advanced listening, concise language, negotiation, honesty, probing and the ability to remain focused.

These skills are detailed in the sections that follow, and again in the section dealing with strategic performance principles at the rear of this manual.

At this juncture we intend to deal specifically with confrontation, inviting people to deal on issues and managing conflict. This is an area of personal and professional performance recognised by thousands of people as a skill that they would like to develop. Due to the vast numbers of people who identify this as an area of improvement, we intend to go through a series of steps and provide a framework for effectively confronting issues. A skill used extensively in dealing with and managing dysfunctional behaviours associated with change, behaviours commonly known as resistance and interference.

The first step in effectively dealing with issues is to be clear on exactly what is the issue. Without clarity issues can become clouded and objectivity totally lost. The second step is to construct an invitation that reveals intentions, feelings and motivation for the invitation to deal. The third step is to remain focused on the issue and recognise; emotions can be introduced when dealing with sensitive issues and can change the plain from logical to emotional. This leads to the last and perhaps most important step. Deciding if the issue is a problem or a conflict. This is important due to the fact that a problem issue is solved by identifying logical solutions, whilst conflicts are emotionally based issues and need to be resolved. We will elaborate further on this point, however irrespective of which area the issue resides; each requires working through a series of defined steps to achieve success.

An invitation to deal with an issue is like any form of invitation; it is offered and can be either accepted or rejected. It is important to remember that when inviting someone to deal, you cannot demand or force people to accept. Therefore it is imperative to remember that confrontation cannot be forced.

To deal effectively with issues, whether they are problems or conflicts requires effective communication, consisting of three components, assertion, response and versatility. In communication an assertion is made, a response is given and versatility is applied to both the assertion and response. In this context, inviting people to deal is a premier response skill. When preparing for confrontation it is important to remember that confrontation is inviting another person (or persons) to deal with a specific issue. Whilst it is possible that a number of peripheral issues may exist, the most effective way to confront is to target one issue at a time. Usually one issue will be paramount and could in fact be the catalyst to other issues. The following information is designed to allow you to plan the interaction and consider reactions and or behaviours of other people or persons.

Step 1. When confronting issues begin with an “I message”. That is a statement incorporating your motivation for wanting to have the conversation and providing the other party with an insight as to how you feel regarding a particular issue.

Example “John the reason I want tot talk to you is that I am extremely concerned, worried, frustrated, etc, about what is happening in relation to: - (……………issue………….) State the issue specifically and concisely, (eight words or less).

Remember that whilst confrontation and managing difficult interactions revolve around a set of skills and competencies related to emotional intelligence it involves more than just the generic meaning of communication. It involves advanced skills such as advanced listening, concise and honest language, defusing defence, negotiation, probing and the ability to focus. Focus is paramount because people who refuse to accept ownership often try to introduce unrelated or other issues. When this occurs, acknowledge that you have heard them and that you will be happy to address them after you have solved or resolved the issue that you have raised.

Step 2. Confrontation is an invitation to another person or persons to deal with a specific issue and because it is an invitation it should conclude with a question. For example your question might be; where do you stand on this? How do you see it? What do you suggest is done to rectify the situation? I’m interested as to how you see it? Remember that when asking a question the dot represents a signal to stop talking and wait for a reply.

Step 3. After the invitation is delivered listen carefully as to whether ownership is accepted or whether the invitation is denied. Samples of such denials are fighting, taking flight or attempting to totally ignore the situation. Fighting is a behavioural response and might involve blaming, screaming, crying and accusing other people. Taking flight is when people acknowledge in part that there is an issue but that they have no time to discuss the matter. Ignoring is a tactic used by people who try to intellectually minimise the issue by saying something like “I can’t believe that you are so concerned about such a petty issue.” This is a blatant attempt to minimise the severity of the matter and because issues, like beauty are often in the eye of the beholder they cannot be discounted as unimportant.

Step 4. If ownership is not taken or the invitation is declined - the next step is to again confront by issuing another invitation but not on the original issue. The invitation or confrontation is now centred on a new issue, the apparent lack of ownership. Example, “So that I can understand the situation, are you saying that you take no responsibility for (issue).?” or “Let me be absolutely clear on this - you are saying that you are unwilling to accept that this matter has anything to do with you whatsoever?”

Again the importance of maintaining focus is imperative as confrontation is about an issue not a person and therefore defensive behaviour must be addressed immediately. (Refer to defusing defence.)

Step 5. If ownership is taken or accepted decide whether the issue is a problem or a conflict. The critical point of difference here is that a problem can be solved through logic and rationale whereas a conflict is something that contains high emotion and therefore is not solved but rather resolved. Remember that logical and emotional communication are worlds apart and will never produce a desirable outcome when one person is emotional and the other is endeavouring to be logical. Another important factor to be aware of here is that problems when the logical path is exhausted have the potential to escalate to conflicts - seldom if ever will a conflict turn into a problem.

Step 6. Once the issue is accepted and identified as either a problem or a conflict the following steps can be implemented to achieve a satisfactory outcome.

For further information and action page to confront with confidence email: - info@epsolutions.com.au

Leave a Reply